I've been a bit under the weather and short on time lately, so I haven't had the chance to finish reading anything worth reviewing as of late. Instead, I'm going to post a review I wrote a while ago for another site. I know, the movie is old and there's no point to hating on it anymore, but I'm posting it anyways. Ignore the fact that it doesn't involve reading anything, I said I'd do the occasional movie review.
I posted this review on Yahoo, and it remains the most helpful review of the movie, with 142 out of 151 people finding it useful. (And I believe those nine people are all members of the cast, trying to run damage control.) So here we are, my old review of the movie "Dragonball Evolution."
Original post: http://movies.yahoo.com/mvc/dfrv?mid=1809961064&uid=DoGuHUrpi8d6VPg4F9cbUGe3lXfGbjk6IA--&s=&i=0&spl=0
I admit, I was one of those fans of Dragonball that was skeptical of the movie from the beginning. Even then, I tried to be hopeful, but every new piece of evidence kept providing more and more proof as to why it would bomb. So, I finally went and saw the movie for myself, and can now list several reasons why it was bad.
I say this not only because it was a bad adaptation, but as a movie itself, it was very poor. So I'll talk about the movie as a movie by its own rights, not just as an adaptation of a cherished series. So putting aside the fact that they butchered all the characters, ignoring the way they changed the story, disregarding the way they couldn't even pronounce "Gohan" correctly, and paying no heed to all the other ways in which the movie ruined the story, let's take a look at what makes it a poor movie in its own right.
- Poor cinematography. After an opening blurb about how Piccolo and his disciple, Oozaru, nearly wiped out the world, we open to a shot of... a bead of sweat falling off Goku's nose. Because all the best movies begin with a close-up of a character's nose, right? And it doesn't get much better. For the fight sequences, it seems they're often trying to copy such movies as "The Matrix," "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," and "300" with certain shots and editing. It doesn't work. Sometimes I could barely even tell what was going on, but I should probably count my blessings for that.
- Poor acting. And how! Chow Yun-Fat and James Marsters were the only two who could come close to acting, and even then, the script was so poor even they couldn't do it justice. Justin Chatwin spent most of the movie talking in some sort of depressed monotone, Emmy Rossum sounded like she just woke up and was pissed about it, and don't even get me started on Joon Park and his surfer dude Yamcha. It makes me feel ill just thinking about it.
- Plot holes, plot holes, plot holes. Okay, so Piccolo escaped from being sealed. How exactly did he do that? We don't even see it happen, he's just suddenly free and has a giant floating fortress thing, with a shape-shifting follower whose name we're never given (even if she's listed as Mai) and whose story we don't know. Why's she following Piccolo? She just is, okay?
Goku gets picked on at school for being "different," but we're not entirely sure why, he just is. So he promised his grandfather he wouldn't fight... only as soon as gramps bites the dust, he not only goes off on his adventure but has no qualms with fighting an old man whose house he broke into.
When they're fighting Piccolo's goons, Master Roshi throws one of them into the lava, and it bursts into flames. Okay. But then Goku starts tossing them in in order to use them as stepping stones across said lava, and nothing happens to them. So was the first one just wearing combustible clothes or something?
Later, as Goku starts fighting Piccolo, Piccolo suddenly not only knows his name, but says that he came to Earth on a meteor, is Oozaru, and he can boss him around. Again, ignoring the changes from the original, how does Piccolo know this? He just does. Then Goku can transform back... because he wants to, I guess. Of course, the opening narration says that Oozaru fled after Piccolo was sealed, so that doesn't explain a thing about him becoming a child and arriving on a meteor. Speaking of Oozaru, Goku spends a good deal of the movie wondering how he's going to beat said giant monkey... forget Piccolo and his world-destroying business, I want to know how they're going to defeat the guy he bosses around.
- No explanations given. This goes hand-in-hand with the plot holes. A lot of things just... happen, and we're supposed to not ask questions. There's willing suspension of disbelief, and then there's telling us to shut up and stop wondering about such insignificant things as "reasons" and "logic."
- Lousy special effects. Remember the days of claymation in live-action movies, where it looked cheesy but you could forgive it because they didn't have any better special effects? Those days are over, they have no excuses any more. A few things they pull off almost right, but for the most part, it looked very cheesy.
- Poor dialogue. Pretty much everything that comes out of Yamcha's mouth. Plus everything that comes out of Bulma's mouth. Oh, and everything that Goku says. Not to mention Chi-Chi. "Just because my name is Chi-Chi doesn't mean I'm stupid." Umm... what does your name have to do with anything? He just asked if you knew about ki. I can understand if you have a complex about your name and the fact that people think you're stupid, but that doesn't relate to anything in any way at all.
- The fight sequences weren't that great either. For a fighting series, that's kind of important. At the very end, Goku's powering up a Kamehameha, and Piccolo's gathering a huge freaking ball of energy that looks like it can blow up Namek, and the two throw their attacks. I start thinking, "okay, good, they're going to have a classic match of energy attacks. One starts pushing the other back, then Goku gives it one last burst of strength and pushes the attacks into Piccolo." Nope. He leaps into it as he throws the Kamehameha. I repeat. He leaps ahead while throwing his attack. Then he just flies right through the explosion into Piccolo, never mind the fact that the force of the two attacks hitting SHOULD have thrown him back, or at least slowed him down. So the movie not only fails at fighting forever, but also physics.
- Oh, and apparently they couldn't remember if they were making a movie of Dragonball or Avatar, because about halfway through the story, Master Roshi starts talking about the three elements (apparently Earth no longer counts) and calls the Kamehameha an Airbending technique. I know, I said I'd disregard the ways in which it differs from Dragonball, but it still pissed me off.
So go ahead and say what you will about my review, this is my honest opinion of the movie. I'm not hating on the movie because it's different from Dragonball. I'm hating on the movie because it's a bad movie, plain and simple.
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